The past six months have been a roller coaster. I DO NOT LIKE ROLLER COASTERS. I do not harbor any deep appreciation for the ride, for the "thrill," or for the feeling of being snatched from the jaws of imminent splattage by a very suspect and precarious hodge podge of wood, steel beams and screws... What can I say,
mini-trains of death coasters are just not my cup of tea.
Choices I have made (both actively and passively) certainly contributed to the overall mind and heart-f&*k that I have been engaged in for the past several months. The situation has made me someone who I do not particularly like or wish to be around. For months, I have plodded along rather than take any action, settling on depression, anxiety, and anger as a way of life. It has cost me my sense of humor, my joy in everyday things, and, probably the hardest to stomach, some of my bond with Banzo. [I know! Y'all are so pleased to have come over here to read this... it is uplifting, isn't it...]
Today, however, I am turning over a new leaf. I am leaving a job that has been so important to me for nearly six years that I have let it take me away from the somethings that are truly far more important. I am making an active choice to walk away from my goal in favor of someone else. I am deciding that I can find another job that is fulfilling, engaging, AND is in the best interest of my family. I am leaving behind colleagues that I adore to make more time for the people that I LOVE.
This is the hardest choice I have had to make [why? it should be the easiest! a no-freaking brainer, for crisps-sake... but I digress].
But for the first time... in a long time, everything just feels RIGHT.