A secret, Part 1

I understood when I married M. that I would have to make some sacrifices... and I do so happily (he is that cute). I am no longer allowed to watch "Law and Order" marathons without being informed that "we have seen this one like 4 times" (i know it, but that isn't the point).  I am sometimes subjected to demonstrations of his "special combat warrior" skills*.  I can not just blow my money away on shoes and handbags without consulting with him first. You get the idea... There is however, one sacrifice that I did not realize I would have to make. Something that I would have to give up as a function of just being married.  No, it is not what you think and if you are going to keep your mind in the gutter like that, shame on you.

I lie.  I lie to strangers.  On planes.

And I have done this for YEARS.  Prolly all the time.

I don't know why I do this, or even how it started.  But somewhere along the line, I decided that if people felt OK about disturbing me on flights, I felt OK about lying to them for a solid 2-4 hours (depending on destination).   I have told people that I am an artist, a nanny for some rotten spoiled kid, a historical consultant for films, a struggling actress**, and (my personal favorite) an oceanographer.  I used to think that it gave me a way to test drive my day dreams, but really I think that I just liked making shit up.

Now, before you get your panties all in a bundle, there are some rules of engagement... feel free to employ should you decide to give this a go (believe me, it is addictive and somewhat exhilarating).

1.  Never say you are a doctor, lawyer, or financial planner.  This could get you into a lot of trouble.
2.  Never, ever, ever lie about your health.  That is just sick.
3.  Don't bite off more than you can chew.

The real key to the task is to keep it simple. Have a reasonable amount of information on whatever you are lying about and never provide too much information.  The way that people get stuck lying is that they give out too much fucking information.  A brief illustration:

Person 1:  What do you do for a living?
Person 2:  I am an aerospace engineer for NASA, have been for like 15 years. It is a great job and I live right there in Houston.  Other day, in fact, I had lunch with Buzz Lightyear. What do you do?
Person 1:  I am a taste-tester.
Person 2:  Really?
Person 1: Yep.
Person 2:  How long you been doing that?
Person 1:  About 6 months.
Person 2:  How do you get involved with that?
Person 1:  Well, my uncle works for this ice cream company and told me that they were looking for people to come in and test new flavors...
Person 2: Does it pay well?
Person 1: Pays the rent...
Person 2: So, what is the worst flavor you have ever tasted?
Person 1: mmmm, none are really all that bad.  I don't like nuts, so I never like the nut flavors...  probably chocolate pistachio.

HINT:  both people are lying.  But in my book Person 1 is believable because he/she waits for Person 2 to ask more questions before blowing the load.

I realize that you may think less of me and come to doubt the authenticity of subsequent posts due to my confession, but it is what it is.  Don't judge me because I am sharing.

Now, why have I had to sacrifice my little habit since getting married?  Reasons are two-fold...  read on in part 2.

* more on this ridiculousness later. The kid is going to poke his own eye out on day.

** people love to get involved with famous people...  even marginally, potentially famous people... even not famous people at all (like me).  you would not believe how many people confess to "i think that i saw you in that..."