Advice...

I have, in the past, been accused of a certain level of exaggeration in my daily life.  I believe a phrase used once or twice is "flair for the dramatic"  perhaps you have heard of it.  Needless to say, I will admit that in certain cases I have been known to "add a little color," but there are certain things that I simply do not embellish.  Mostly because, they don't need it.  My mother in law, whom we affectionately call the "bus driver" falls into this category (spiders and my interactions with postal employees also fall into this category).

She is tough... just wears people out.  She is the kind of person that has to be driving the bus in every situation, hence her nom de blog.  I am sure that you have heard the phrase "if mama ain't happy, no one is happy..." Well, let me tell you that until you have met the Bus Driver...  you have no idea.  She has an opinion on everything and her opinion is as good as the Sweet Lord's and his merry band of apostles.

M. and I have the benefit of 1200 miles separating us from everyday interactions with her.  In fact, right before I met her, M. pointed out that while he loves him mother dearly, it was largely because of her that he sought refuge in the bosom of Texas.  But we still get the "drive-bys" in the form of carefully worded emails and phone calls.  My SIL... not so lucky, she lives less than 3 miles away.  Bus Driver has been known to drop by their house unannounced (she has a key) and they are expected to hang out A LOT. 

I have very little in common with this woman, but we have come to an understanding, we have struck a beautiful balance.  For the most part, I don't let her bother me...  and for the most part, she pretends that I am not a democrat.  And oddly enough, we have come to have a pretty good relationship despite some gem-like behavior. For example:

• During a visit when they were staying in MY house (prior to M and I merging into a single household), I apparently offended her by sitting on MY couch, next to M. instead of letting her sit there and put her hand on her baby boy's thigh.
• When we were discussing the plans for our wedding with her, she got so upset that she locked herself in the closet sobbing... mostly because we wanted to keep the wedding small and not invite everyone they have ever known from Ohio.
• When M and I decided to start trying to have a child, she told him "well, if she is fertile, you will get pregnant right away, if she isn't, you won't..." I will admit to feeling a bit like, well, a Holstein bought at auction under questionable circumstances.
• She has, one more than a dozen occasions, made comments implying that M.'s side of the family is more important (in terms of holidays etc.) because I am an only child.
• And I know that she worries that I am going to spend M into the poor house and leave butterbean to fend for himself while I go off to become a professional power broker.
• the list goes on, but you get the idea...  she is just tough.

The thing is, she is not intentionally manipulative.  Family, at least her family. is so incredibly important to her that it super-cedes everything else.  Once you marry one of her sons, she expects you to completely give up anything of yourself to become the perfect member of the family.   She also hasn't had much interaction with women in a positive way...  she has two sons, and is very much the mother of boys.  When we first met, I was an enigma to her...  shopping, spas, everything so foreign and new. 

My SIL has asked me how I can handle her, how come she doesn't just drive me crazy.  How is it that I am a favorite when SIL is barely tolerated.  I think that the key is...  I like who I am and I know that M loves me for it.  And instead of changing just to please her, I decided to drag her along with me.  I have introduced her to the wonderful world of spa treatments,  I can make her laugh at herself (which I don't think that she has done in a long time), and truth be told, I am not afraid to liquor her up. But, we also only see them 3-4 times per year, at most 5 days at a time.  In small doses, anyone is manageable.

So, they are now thinking that they should buy a place here, in Texas, within 45 minutes of our house.  They want to become snowbirds and see a lot more of their grandson and son (I am really only a baby machine)... I am not sure how I feel about this.  I guess it could be good, but it could also be bad.  V. Bad.  The delicate balance could be disturbed.  M and I are used to having an independent life, we like not having family obligations all the time.   I could go from "most favored" to "most likely to be killed off" on a family vacation.

HELP!  Does anyone have advice on maintaining the balance?  Setting the boundaries? Am I just going to have start a tab at the local liquor store?