Last night, N. (formally referred to as M., just so that y'all don't think that I am sleeping around), as we were lying in bed discussing butterbean, had an important question to ask me.
"Why," he pondered, "is butterbean always so nasty when I go up to give him his 11 PM bottle? I mean, I go to get him, gently lift him from the crib, coo in his ear, the room is all quiet and dark... and then all of a sudden, he is all GAAAAAHHHHRRRRRWWWW!" * **
[NOTE:order to get the full effect of the sounds you have to screw up your face as if you have just chugged rotten milk... that's right. now, you have it.]
T'Pon - "Well, I mean N., when I wake you up at 10 AM after close to 11 hours of sleep on a Saturday morning, you have been known to be downright volatile. As I recall, you have even tried to hit me."
[NOTE: in his defense, when he tried to knock me out... he was half asleep and very ashamed of himself once I recounted the series of events. Still no reason to stop bringing it up. frequently.]
N. - "Well, you aren't offering me food... you are usually flipping on lights, yelling at me to get out of bed already... On the other hand, if you came up, cooing in my ear with the room dark, offering me pork chops, and applesauce and au gratin potatoes. I would be really nice to you. I would be damn excited to see you in the morning."
T'Pon - "You aren't excited to see me in the morning?"
N. - "That is not the point."
But, I happen to think that it IS the point. This weekend. I am going to make the pork chops and applesauce and au gratin potatoes, gently come up to him in the dark room, coo in his ear...
AT 3:30 IN THE FREAKIN' MORNING.
Let's just test this little theory.
* Yes, we dream feed butterbean to help him make it through the night.
** Yes, we bottle-feed our kid formula... I know, we are horrible people who should be forced into sterilization programs to prevent us from damaging anymore precious children. If you feel this way, do me a favor...keep it to yourself. There is more to this story than I care to share.
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