It is important, if we are to continue this relationship that you understand how much I fear hate spiders. I have been known to shut off whole areas of the house after encountering one in a room (I can't kill them). I have also used the side door to get to the backyard to avoid walking past a spider's web (lest it leap out and suck my body dry) and if I walk through a spider web... it induces involuntary, full-body seizures (I may have even pee'ed myself in fear once, but that has never been proved).
I hate Charlotte's Web, I have never seen the spider scenes in Lord of the Rings OR Harry Potter 3 movies (and quite honestly those parts of the books give me nightmares for days), and I contend that there is a very, very, very good reason that spiders, are 99.8% of the time, EVIL. They are minions of S*atan himself.
My fear hatred is deep seeded and began very early in life. I could go into details, but suffice to say, it is a painful memory for me involving a shrubbery, a stick and a GINORMOUS black widow that moved with the speed of a thousand winged horses right at my face. I have never been the same. ever. I have also been bitten by a rather poisonous variety of spider, so I have a reason to believe that these creatures are out to get me.
So, you can only imagine my panic dismay when I learned that tarantulas (scientifically known as big, fucking, hairy spiders) are native to this part of Texas*. And I don't mean native as in "lets go to the zoo and look at "local" creatures who have been pushed out of their habitat by the encroachment of man"... I mean "FUCK YOU, I am moving into your garage" native. I was also pissed concerned to learn, upon signing the mortgage for my first home, that the property was actually some kind of motherland for these beasts. Over the next season (the exterminator"s word not mine, as if it were some happy time of year, like wedding season, holiday season, TARANTULA season...), I was virtually held captive by these things -- for they have no web, so you can't keep an eye out for them. They burrow, into the ground, to get closer to their aforementioned master.
That said, these big fucking hairy spiders (BFHS) have provided the t'pon family with some hard learned lessons...
...to be continued.
* and PS -- when they say "everything is bigger in Texas", this also applies to bugs generally, and spiders, most specifically... even outside of the big, fucking, hairy variety.
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