relaxamacation redux

Ok, so I am back.  Back from the spa and back to work. All in all the "weekend of me" was a success... I feel relaxed, refreshed, and ready to roll with the whole mommy-thing again.  I have decided rather than provide a blow-by-blow of the weekend, I will hit you with the high points.

• I consider it a personal insult to go to a spa and NOT get a hot stone massage.  If you have never had one you need to stop what you are doing and make an appointment right now. It is, in fact, the measuring stick by which I measure all spa experiences.  I had the hot stone on day one of the "weekend of me" which could have set me up for an overall disappointing weekend...  glad to report that The Crossings in Austin receives 3.25 stars (on a scale of four...  I have never given a four, perfection is oh-so-elusive).
• 43 hours is A LOT of time to spend without a TV... or a newspaper. period.
• If your skin has not seen the sun in over 1.5 years, it is possible to burn through 45 sunblock.
• This spa is also a "Wellness" center... which means (and I apologize in advance if this offends someone, but whatever) there were a lot of bell-ringing, patchouli-stinking, unshaven, over-the-hill hippies there trying to get their organs and spirits and shit aligned.  This is not my crowd... VW and I spent the better part of the weekend doing our best to NOT get kicked out for bending someone's aura.
• The good thing about over-the-hill hippies is that they have an incredible lack of self-consciousness when it comes to their bodies.  While not easy on the eyes... after a weekend there my issues with my fat pants... no more.  Better boost to my self-confidence than 10 months of J*enny Craig and Sou*th Beach.
• A note to the staff at the Treehouse Cafe, while we certainly enjoyed the free WiFi access that you provided this weekend (as we were the only two people who seemed at all connected to the outside world by something other than a chakra) have you even listened to the words to the simpering folk crap you were playing at deafening levels this weekend.  "Goodbye sweet earth.  It was good to know you.  We should have taken better care, but our tanks were empty?" Is that really the best that you can do? Joni Mitchell would drop kick your ass for that.
• And finally, I did not realize that I was required to pass Anatomy 101 to get a freaking facial.  Apparently, by shining different color lights on my face while it is covered in an algae mask, it is possible to bring my organs in balance with the rest of my body. I just wanted by pores sucked clean. I was not aware that my organs were out of balance.  I was instructed to picture each organ being bathed in its corresponding light color...  my first color, red.  my first organ, gall bladder. Where the fuck is my gall bladder and what does it look like?  Bunk, all of it.  And now, I haven't taken a shit since I left that place and I used to be as regular as the gas bill. Perhaps, I am being punished.

On an only slightly related note... N. is the luckiest mother f'er I know.  Everything comes easily to him.  Have you seen those Staples commercials, with the "easy" button?  Yeah, well that is based on my husband's life.

When I returned home, I found everything in working order, bean was dressed and happily stuffing Cheerios in his mouth.  Although not all was as I had left it.  Apparently, N. has somehow convinced Bean that waking before 6 AM is a waste of perfectly good darkness and that 7 AM is a much more reasonable time for food and frolicking.

While this is a great development and I am certainly grateful, what the fuck?  I spend countless hours pouring over books to figure out how to get this kid to sleep, I set schedules, establish routines, beg, plead, and make deals with the devil... no dice. N. gets half of a weekend alone with him and presto! it's done.  I asked him how he did it and he just shrugged and said "i don't know... it just happened." 

I know that they are conspiring against me. I just know it.

Comments

[buffi]

Okay, I am booking my hot stone massage first thing in the morning.

I hate facials. They waste precious relaxation time. Give me an extra half hour massage, please.

Things like that happen for my husband, too. Pisses me off.

[MIM]

I just did my first hot stone massage last week! It was fabulous!

And, yes, just like you and Buffi, Husband has done that to me as well. (well, not TO me, but you know what I mean.)