a shining example

There is change afoot here at casa t'pon.  It seems that N. believes that as someone saw fit to burden bless us with this biting, pinching demon spawn beautiful baby boy, we ought to live up to someone's vision of responsible parents.  I have already pointed out that allowing us to be parents is a bad idea. It is my title for cripe's sake.

But no one listens to me (that is why I write this damn blog). As such, he is ion the process of implementing a series of programs that I am grudgingly enthusiastically embracing.

Some of you may have noticed the reference to the first program, which appeared in the upper right hand corner of the blog a few weeks ago (in the OK, I admit it section).  I like to refer to the program as C.C.C.P (Campaign to Curtail Cursing Parents) -- and yes, I am aware that the program shares a namesake with another institution often associated with squashing the individual citizen's freedom of expression.

Apparently, I have a potty mouth.  Shit, really?  Had y'all noticed that? And despite nearly 7 years of relationship bliss and ne'er a word to indicate his displeasure with my choice of vocabulary, N. has decided that it is time for me to "tone it down".  I will concede that I need to stop cursing around the Bean, but I feel that what I do in the privacy of my own office, car, errand run, phone discussion, bathroom, etc is my own freaking business.  It is my last vice, people.  I don't drink. I don't smoke.  And I am married with an 8 month old baby, I will trust that y'all can figure out what that means. Without the cursing, I am boring.  Worse yet, it is genetic. I am the child of a curser's curser.  It would be like asking a redhead to will her hair to be blond.

The deal is that for every time I curse, I have to donate 25 cents to the Rep*ublican Nation*al Con*vention. Now, I am not going to ruin our beautiful relationship here with political discourse, I was raised with proper Southern manners.  But suffice to say, this is supposed to curtail the behavior as I would rather cut off my left arm than give them money.

The RNC is currently going to receive a very nice donation from me at the end of this year. V. Nice. SHIT!* I am thinking of including a lovely note letting them know what they can do with the money. **

In addition to C.C.C.P, it has also been determined that now that Bean is sporting FOUR teeth, we must become a shining example of dental hygiene.  I am about as good of an example here as I am with respect to my choice of nouns, adjectives and adverbs. N. had the benefit of a dental hygienist parent and orthodontics (which I am told can really teach a kid the value of a smile).  I did not. 

I do not like the dentist.  One any day, I would pick a trip to the GYN over the dentist.  Mostly, this is due to the fact that I make a practice of neglecting dental care...  don't get me wrong, I brush my teeth, but that is really more for breath-freshening purposes.  I definitely do not floss with any sort of regularity.  So when I do go to the dentist...  the guilt.  it is overwhelming.

Which pretty much explains why prior to last month... I had not been to the dentist... in about four years. In my defense, time just sort of got away from me on that one, plus I have never had a cavity, ever. Until last month. When I found out I have four "inclusions", which is just fancy dentist speak for "oh boy! I get to sand down your teeth with my fancy tooth dust producing machine, and then fill the space back in with some kind of nasty polymer. All the while you will get to choke on the fine dust of your own teeth. Then I will charge you over $300 and your bite will feel fucked up for quite a while."

But there is good news here.  One, as my bite is currently "off" I can't clench my teeth in frustration.

Two, Bean is going to be one boring child with some impressive teeth.

*I was wise enough to negotiate a pass for the blog.  Don't be surprised if you visit one day and there is just a string of expletives as a post. 

** Please do not flame me regarding my politcal views.  I am sure that you have a very good reason as to why you believe what you believe...  trust that I do as well and lets leave it at that.

Comments

[Robin]

This weekend, my 20-month-old uttered the phrase, "Back off, Bitch". Obviously, I missed my window of opportunity on toning down my language.

[Dutch]

Shit, tpon, Shane MacGowan and I have the same dental plan.

http://www.shanemacgowan.de/funnythumb.jpg

It's called leave me the fuck alone until I crack my canines when falling off this barstool.

How about I donate 50 cents to the DNC every time you say the word "fucknuts" around N? Or would he come after me and karate chop my ass into oblivion for undermining his mission?

[Holly]

Well at least you have ONE place you can cuss... so cuss away! We won't mind. You do it with humor, so I actually enjoy the shit out of it.

But - PLEASE - keep it to that! I hate to see the RNC get that money. It kills me. So, please... be good?

I hate dentists too. I hate taking my kids to the dentist, because I feel like I am smilingly dropping them off at a torture chamber whenever we go. So far, they haven't caught on. But they will. Oh, yes. They will.

[laura]

T'pon, you'll like this, must take a listen: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4965941.