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So here is the deal...  it is not that I am particularly lazy (I mean, I am, but not so much applicable in this case). Rather I am SOFA KING EXHAUSTED, that pulling together the concentration to get through my work and baby-raising day is starting to feel a whole-lot like trying to wrangle squirrels.

It appears that I have acquired a new bunkmate these past few days.  And while my old bunkmate snored and created smells so foul I can only assume that his ass-ho*le is a portal to Satan's compost heap, he, at least, stays on his side of the bed and doesn't issue all manner of squeaks and whistles throughout the night.  He also does not wake up periodically screaming at the top of his lungs only to quickly drift back off to peaceful slumber, while I fumble with the defibrillator to try to stop my heart attack.

Seriously, if any of you are champion co-sleepers, enlighten me.  Have you figured out how to survive without sleep? Are you able to induce some kind of comatose state that prevents you from being bothered by a small person who moves around in his sleep so much that he is as distracting as that little thread at the bottom of the picture in old movies and cartoons? Do you not worry about crushing him under your "not quite petite because you still haven't lost all the baby weight" frame in the middle of the night?

PEOPLE, THIS IS INFORMATION THAT I NEED... If I have to sign some attachment parenting contract that says I will burn my bottles, grind my own organic food, change to cloth diapers, and carry Bean in a sling until he is 13.5 years old, I will gladly do it.  Desperation puts me in a very accommodating state of mind.

(and yes, Bean is recovering beautifully from his surgery. Thank you to all the well-wishers.  He has even resumed his Sherman's March towards the one-year mark, destroying everything in his path as he takes his first steps, climbs stairs, and continues his daily tormenting of the fur babies.  new pics at Flickr... On a side note, I am currently taking odds on Bean becoming an E-N-T specialist given his keen interest in closely examining everyone's head holes and the contents thereof. And once the stitches are healed... he is going back to his own damn bed.)

Honestly, it isn't really the fatigue that has kept me from writing lately. I am just not feeling particularly funny and (IMHO) there is nothing sadder than a blogger who takes themselves too seriously.  Lately, things in t'pon's world (it is so rare that you see a double apostrophe... let us all take a moment to observe that grammatical oddity...) have been a little to "real".

Specifically, in the span of two weeks, two friends have confided that their marriages are circling the bowl.  And while I am very much at peace with my new found maturity...  I don't think that I was emotionally or mentally prepared to reach the stage in life when people whose weddings I attended and even participated in would begin calling it quits.  I am doing my best to be supportive and encouraging to these friends, but at the same time it is hard not to take inventory of one's own relationship and get a little introspective. 

I know that I am blessed to be married to someone that values the commitment we made as highly as I do.  And I know that above and beyond all things, we have trust.  I also know that it is impossible for us to take ourselves too seriously.  But I am sure that these people believed all of those things about their relationships as well.  I mean, who gets married thinking about their exit strategy...  well, besides Elizabeth Taylor.

But, again, I am an only-lonely which makes me particularly sensitive.  I came into this relationship with an unnatural fear of abandonment.

At least we have the Bean... my little insurance policy against loneliness. : )

Lighter days are on the horizon...  which means super fun t'pon is on her way home.

Comments

[Holly]

I'm sorry, I have no advice on the co-sleeping. But I CAN commiserate. Does that count? Whenever my little bean makes it into my bed... same thing. Sleep for me is NOT so restful.

I just wanted to say, hang in there!! You are indeed blessed as you said... but you are also a blessing to your family, I can tell by what you write. And your writing? Well, it just rocks. You had me rolling with the first two paragraphs... wrangling squirrels... too funny.

[MIM]

My advice on cosleeping: pray that his stitches heal real fast.

Otherwise, dang, Girl. No wonder you've been feeling unfunny. It's not fun to see your friends' marriages in the crapper. Yikes.

[sleepingmommy]

Like you I have been watching marriages fall apart around me. My husband and I look at each other and make an even harder effort to stay connected to one another--it's all you can do.

[Dutch]

co-sleeping: it's all about the swaddle. use two or three blankets if you have to. he won't move if he can't move.

collapsing marriages: I feel like our generation thinks it's going to escape that thing, most of us waited so much longer than our parents to get married in the first place. it hasn't happened with any of our friends yet, but I can imagine how freaky it is when it does.

[Wood]

Swaddling probably only works when your 9 month old is as small as ours (16 lbs) -- I'm guessing Bean is bigger, and if he hasn't been swaddled in the last 6 months (like most babies), he won't like it. Not to take the wind out of Dutch's sail, but. . . .

And even with the swaddle, co-sleeping is never peaceful for the mama. Unless you have a big bed. We've spent nights in hotels with king sized beds that were quite nice. But in our little full? no way.

probably you can't go out and buy a new bed. hope the stitches heal soon!

[MetroDad]

So sorry to hear about the dissolving marriages of your friends. It hasn't happened to us yet but the statistics tell us it will soon. I know it's hard to be cheery now but, when you're feeling really down? Get on the floor and play with the Bean. I know, for me, it's hard for me to stay in a funk for every long when my daughter is babbling in my ear and smiling at me.

Hope everything works out for the best!

[buffi]

No good co-sleeping advice other than hope it's over soon. We tried it with our first. It was better for me than for SD. With the boys, they have always slept in their own beds.

Girl, I love reading your writing. Whenever you post I will be here (eventually. it's been a long week).

When are y'all making it up here to B'Creek? I want to get my hands on that sweet Butterbean!