I know that I have requested that you "lurkers" out there to show yourselves for a good cause... so here is some more food for thought. I have noticed over the past few weeks an alarming coincidence here at casa t'pon.
Those of you who have been reading since the early days, know that from time to time, I will make reference to my ongoing battle with my fat pants. Essentially, to catch the rest up... I am making half-hearted and misguided attempts to purge these monstrosities from my closet in favor of cuter, prettier pants that don't cause chaffing under my armpits.
For the past 11 months and 1.5 weeks, I have been battling the last 13 lbs of pregnancy weight. 13 is a very unlucky number... and extremely sneaky too. Things will be going along just fine, tummy getting trimmer, ass taking up less space on the couch... I can almost taste the cute pants and their equally attractive cousins, sexy skirt and skinny t-shirt. And then, I turn my back for one minute and the 13 lbs cleverly sneaks some queso and a cupcake or eight into my kitchen. The next thing I know, the old 13 has hitched their trailer back onto my caboose. DAMMIT.
The battle to lose the weight has come to a head. I promised myself in Feb 2005 that I would not be carrying around extra weight in 12 months and in case you don't have a calendar handy... that gives me about 25 days to send this 13 lbs packing.
Our dog, Cole, is also a little thick around the edges. Although, he has no discernible excuse (like bringing forth life from the womb) other than the fact that he is a fat, greedy son-of-a-bitch whose mama likes to feed him tortilla chips and cookies while he snoozes under the coffee table, cause misery LOVES company who can't say no to even the tiniest morsel of food. So fierce is his devotion to snacking that on more than one occasion, he has been caught stealing food from the garbage, counter tops, Nugget, our dinner plates and lately, snatching crackers out of Bean's tiny hands (for which Bean hit him two days ago... nothing funnier than a "greedy Gus" kid fighting with a fat dog for half a cracker. pure comedy, right there.)
As he matured, we were told many, many times by the vet that Cole needed to lose weight for "quality of life" issues. We argued that taking away his food and snacking would have a far worse impact on his quality of life, but alas, they were not to be swayed. So, as I gained weight providing room and board to Bean, Cole slowly trimmed down from a high of 115, to what we felt was a pretty impressive 101.
This is where the shit gets interesting.
A few weeks back, Cole was recovering from a nasty ear infection and I was once again battling the 13lbs (it was back after a brief hiatus). I took Cole in for a check-up and low and behold... Cole was down to a downright anorexic slim 88 lbs. He has never weighed 88 lbs. I believe that he weighed 92 lbs at birth. Everyone was amazed. Kudos to Cole, Praise to the baby Jesus. Hallelujahs from on high.
Has anyone stopped to do the math yet? 101 minus 88 equals... yes, 13 lbs. Interesting...
It would appear to the casual observer that Cole and I are "sharing" these last 13 lbs. That he, in fact, sent the 13 lbs back over to me. And that got me to thinking, sure enough, in all recent memory -- when I am losing weight, Cole is gaining and when I am gaining, Cole is as trimmed up as a Christmas tree.
Ergo, if balance in this world is to be maintained WHILE I am wearing my cute pants... then Cole is going to have to fatten up. FAST.
Anyone have a Costco card I can borrow, I hear that they are running a special on pigs' ears and pork rinds.
Don't ever let N convince you to move to Ohio. When we lived in TX, I had about 8 or 10 lbs that I wanted to lose. Then we moved up here and I packed on another 25 lbs within three months. Ohio makes you fat. It's insane. I only have six more months here. Hopefully we won't go someplace even fatter!
Posted by: buffi | Wednesday, January 11, 2006 at 11:39 PM
Hi. Here I am, I do read your blog. Now you know. I have a blog, too, not that it matters since I didn't leave a link. but if you felt like swinging by and saying, "hi", email me, and I'll email back a link to it. so there, not "lurking", anymore.
Posted by: Liz C. | Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 07:45 AM
Girl, you gotta give that shit BACK. I mean, it's not like he can wear cute pants anyway. Selfish bastard. (I'm sure he's a very nice dog.)
Posted by: MIM | Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 09:22 PM
Yeah... what MIM said!
Posted by: Holly | Tuesday, January 17, 2006 at 09:50 PM