inside the box

This morning, before the stomach funk took hold, Bean was engaged in his favorite early morning activity -- turning on and off the TV.  I like to tell myself that his intense focus on this activity is not a sign of a budding love affair between a boy and his boob tube, but rather an exercise aimed at developing his sense of object permanence. 

"Here's Matt and Al on the Luge looking dumb, and now I turn off the TV.  Wait for it.... now, turn it back on... yep, there they are still looking dumb." (I have been told, many times in my life, that my ability to rationalize almost anything into a "learning experience" is truly a gift from God.  I believe this to be true.)

I digress... at some point in the course of this very important brain development exercise (the more times you repeat something, the truer it becomes...  I call this the WMD principle), something caught young Bean's eye...  it was a boxer that looked remarkably like our dog, Nugget.  I have mentioned before the love affair between these two. Bean became quite excited, banging on the TV as if he were making an attempt to get the dog's attention, much as he does multiple times a day when Nugget finds herself on the colder side of our glass doors.

At the sound of the banging, Nugget came prancing around the corner, throwing Bean into a tailspin.  Once again, we could see his little brain working overtime, smoke pouring from his perfect little ears...

"How could it be that Nugget is standing here in this very room with me, but also inside this box frolicking in what I can only describe as the largest sand box I have ever seen?  Do mine eyes deceive?  Is it possible that this mere dog has mastered the art of being in two places at once, and if so, I must convince her to teach this skill to me...  It could come in handy when those pesky naps interrupt my intense brain developing exercises with the TV?"

(see, Bean believes it... it is only a matter of time before y'all buy in and elevate me to Dr. Spo*ck status.)

I bring this little story up because it got me to thinking about the things that I believed as a child about the way that the world worked. For example, I, like (I assume) Bean, believed that everything that took place on the TV and/or radio was happening in real time.  If I heard a song on the radio, it was because the band was right there in the studio... and when I heard that same song 15 minutes later on another station, well, they must be making the rounds. I also believed that the song "Secret Agent Man" was actually "Secret Asian Man."  I figured out the whole radio/TV thing pretty fast...  "Secret Asian Man," however, followed me to college.

N. thought that when people died in movies, plays, or on TV -- they were actually dying.  He thought that, when you decided that you were ready to die, you could just show up and they would somehow work you in.  As such, he determined that his plan would be to die in the production of "Bluejacket," a show about the Shawnee Indians in Ohio.  He wanted to be the guy that got shot by the arrow and fell off the cliff, because, that would be a cool way to go.

Another friend, upon hearing that her baby brother was inside her mama's tummy and also hearing about the baby kicking and moving around, surmised that when she went to bed, her parents were opening up her mom's stomach and taking the baby out to play.  After a few days of wrestling this over in her mind, she determined that this most certainly constituted "not sharing" and was, therefore, in direct violation of house rules.

So, what did you believe as a child?  Come on, you can admit it...  we are all friends here.  We only mock because we love you and it will make you stronger.

Also, for those of you interested in creating real mind expanding opportunities for your children and exploring all that the patented "T'pon's Guide to Better Babies through Remote Controls" and its companion study guide "Some call it 'glazed over', we call it intense focus," have to offer, please email me for additional information.  A seminar may be coming to your area shortly.

Comments

[Sandra D]

I used to believe that if you got shot anywhere on your body, even on the tip of a finger, you would die.

[Duder]

As ehe youngest of three, I was told many lies. One day as the three of us were sitting at the dinner table, I was sent to retrieve something from the kitchen. Upon my return I find that the spinach on my plate has multiplied. Of course says my siblings, raw spinach will do that. My mom supported the lie. Lets just say that it took me many many many years to get past that one. I was well into high school before I found out the truth. Now at the age of 30 something I am just reaching a point that I can eat it and not yak. I wonder now as I stare at this bundle of joy that has me awake at 4:30 am, what kind of crap am I going to put into his head? Intentional or not. I am so freaking mad at my family for that spinach thing. Jerks!

[stefanierj]

I have loved the Beatles since my early days (my parents were children of the 60s, what can I say?). Of course, when I was 3, I thought they were 5 (why 5? Dunno) cartoon-character Japanese beetles who lived inside the speakers of our hi-fi (yep, that's hi-fi, not wi-fi, you young'uns).

I also believed that the more commercials a company had, the worse they were doing financially. I remember being so afraid McDonald's would close because I saw their commercials ALL the TIME.

[Heather]

I thought that if you left the television on channel zero (the static) for too long it would explode. A friend's sister told me this would happen, and I believed it for far too long.

[mom101]

Having an aunt named Fredda, I believed there was this famous female dancer and movie star also named Fredda. Fredda Stare.

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

I believed that anything "I set my mind to was possible." I was so convinced of this that I decided I was going to be a pegasus and flapped my wings on the playground, knowing that if i flapped for long enough, I would fly away. When it never happened I was furious with my parents, especially after every kid in first grade called me a freak after that.

[dutch]

I believed that the lyrics to that commodores song "she's a brick. . .house" were, "she's a bitch, ouwww!"

I believed that monkeys lived insides speakers with tiny little drum sets making music for us.

[rachiepoo]

when i was a wee tot, i was under the impression that willie nelson shot j.r. ewing on dallas. my family still likes to give me hell about that one...

[mrsfortune]

I thought the word "sell" meant "stale" b/c I was always told to check the "sell-by" date on the milk we bought. So, I thought that "by March 5, this milk will be sell".

This isn't really something I believed but rather two things I didn't understand: one, why cars waited for other cars to clear out of the way before turning left. Like if you're turning left you wait for the other cars in the other lane because of the simple laws of physics that if you don't, you'll get hit. But I never understood why you had to wait. Also I never understood why you would give bills AND change when you bought something, like if your purchase is $2.08 you give $5.08 so you don't get .92 cents back. But I never could figure out why people did that.

[kc]

I thought that I had to sleep, on the pillow & under the covers, with ALL my stuffed animals or else they would be sad.....deeply wounded. I had to rotate them each night so they each got proper "close to me" time. I had at least 12 stuffed animals in my twin bed. Did I mention I am an only child.

[Holly]

I believed that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls. Mind blowing, no?