simple request

Yesterday evening, I made what I considered to be a very simple request of N.  I asked him to please remember to ask me the following questions today around dinner time:

• Does your car have gas?
• Is that what you are going to wear?
• Is there anything that you want to watch on TV?

My parents are coming into town tonight for a few days visit.  I am very excited about this...  not only do I love spending time with my parents, as they are perpetually entertaining both as a couple and as individuals and as an only child I miss them a lot...

BUT, weekends with my parents tend to be lucrative for all members of the t'pon family.  Amongst our friends, these weekends are often referred to as the "lucky sonuvabitch weekends" -- N. generally walks away with some stylish man-duds and techno gear, Bean is showered with all manner of expensive brain building toys and cutie-pie clothing, and yours truly (as long as I am not post-partum...) makes out with 67% of my year's wardrobe. Exploiting my parent's generosity is my birthright.  I worked long and hard to make them proud -- to become a child to which they could point and say "yes, successful we are!"  It is only fair for them to compensate me for the effort. 

One day, I, in turn and in recognition of all they have done for me, will seek out the best moderately-priced, adequately staffed and relatively clean care facility in which they can spend their golden years. That is what family is ALL about.    I digress...

In the 10 years that my parents have been flying out here to visit me, I have only ONCE made it to the airport on time to pick them up (and that was because I arrived 10 minutes late, but their flight was delayed by 45 minutes, so I might have lied a little).  It is beginning to wear on my parent's nerves.  It is not that they are impatient people who do not like to be left waiting... I think that they just figure that an adult -- with a job, a mortgage, a kid -- should be able to make the 20 minute trip to the airport in TIME to meet their parents. I also have an almost perfect track record with ANYONE else.

And, I really do try to get there on time, I plan my days around it.  But without fail, something will happen that adds an additional 15-20 minutes to the trip to the airport making me late. 

This time, I will be on time. In preparation, I analyzed what issues most lead me to be late to the airport:

• Poor fuel planning...  I am very bad about keeping gas in my car despite a general fear of being stranded.  I have on more than several occasions been halfway to the airport when I realized that my car is choking on fumes.  By the time that I find a gas station, fill up the car, etc...  LATE!
• Slovenly appearance... My mom once told me that she would leave me at the airport the next time I stepped off a plane looking like hammered shit (in my defense, I was hung over and had not done laundry in several weeks).  In the subsequent 14 years since that exchange, I at least try to look presentable.  But this is ALWAYS a last minute consideration, adding 10-15 minutes to the departure time... LATE!
• TV Zombie...  I often get stuck in the TV, I start watching something 15 minutes before I am supposed to go somewhere and then I can't stop.  Yes, we have a DVR, yes, I know how to use it and I use it frequently...  it doesn't matter. I have a problem... LATE!
• Bean has his own "time-table" for getting stuff done...  this needs no explanation.  Why is it that with all the planning in the world, I can not get out of the house with this kid WITHOUT running 10-15 minutes behind schedule... LATE! (but Bean will be asleep at their arrival time, so he is not a factor in my plan.)

I also identified that based on what I know about myself and my brain's and the TV's desire to foil my best laid plans... I will need support to be on time. And so I asked N. to put forth the aforementioned questions in an effort to support my new approach.

After about a 10 minute pause in the conversation, during which I could hear the crickets complain of leg cramps from working so hard to fill the silence, N. replied... 

"you know, most people would have just said 'Will you please make sure that I am not late tomorrow?' and be done with it."

Well, perhaps.  But, YOU did not marry most people, smart-ass.

Comments

[stefanierj]

Dude, you rock. I also wait impatiently for my parents' arrival and weep when they leave. I hope you made (make?) it on time, and have fun.

[Holly]

Dangit woman... your knack for making me laugh is just uncanny. Great post!