food for thought (aka my product placement post)

I love the fries at Chi*k-Fil-A...  adore them.  I often find it hard to make it home with an order of these fries in tact...  I think that it is the waffle-cut that makes them so particularly difficult to resist.  I would venture that it is the perfect cut for a fry, maximizing both potato-y goodness and available square inches for fried surface and thus a crispy texture. (the only exception would be that yucky end piece that gets fed to the dog) It is the perfect compromise between the steak fry (way too starchy) and a McDon*ald's fry (excellent fried surface and texture, but sometimes it is all fry and no potato). 

On my ride home with the bag at my side, this mental ode to the CFA fry began a longer daydream about the perfect fast food meal.  If able to defy the limitations of time AND space (and not to mention health and overall feeling of physical fitness), and provided only $10 to craft the perfect fast food meal -- what would the elements be?  and most importantly, where would I go to get them... 

It seems to me the possibilities are endless, particularly given the rash of "fast-casual" that can be considered in this same space. And since the ride from Chi*k-Fil-A to my front door is only 15 minutes, I had to limit my postulating to your typical fast food establishments and the typical fast food meal, which for me conjures images of cheeseburgers, fries, beverage and just for good measure and to ensure the onset of heart disease AND type-2 diabetes a chocolate shake. 180 lbs here I come!!!

I have already established the fries would be from CFA...  so, lets move on to the cheeseburger, which IMHO is a no contest event.  Others might as well not even show up and for those of you who have not had the privilege of tasting one of these beefy wonders, my apologies.  I weep for you.

• In and Ou*t -- Single with Cheese.

Next, we move on to the beverage for which I have to rely on a pizza establishment, which kind of breaks the aforementioned rule. This is due mostly to one of the founding principles of my love for N. which is our complete agreement on the fact that any soda tastes better when it arrives at your table in a giant, red plastic cup (preferably with the brand name emblazoned on the side).  This selection also is somewhat flawed as I do not know of a fast food chain that serves this brand of cola, but whatever... it is my freaking fantasy.

• RC Cola in a big-ass red plastic cup.

And then finally, there is the chocolate shake to consider...  and this is by far a more difficult choice.  In my mind, there are two contenders, each strong in their own right.  First, there is We*ndy's Frosty. Some would argue (and I see the logic) that it isn't a shake since you can dunk a fry in it and it will stand at attention (and tell me that a Frosty-frosted fry is not just about the best combination of salty-sweet known to man).  They are also offering it as a mixer with cookie pieces, etc. which kind of puts it more in the category of a DQ Bli*zzard, at which point we then have to consider it side by side with a local fave called the Wallybanger. But, I digress. Back to the shake.

The other option in this category has more to do with a kind of childhood association than any real quality. When I was little and my mom was on this ridiculous health kick... my dad would sneak us out of the house and get milkshakes, snickers and york peppermint patties and we would eat them in the safety of his car.  It is one of my dearest memories of my dad, and whenever I feel just a little too far from home...  you can find my ass sitting in my car scarfing down a shake and pattie for old time's sake.

• McDon*ald's Chocolate Shake

So, that is it...  I, of course, have opinions on the best pizza, chicken nugget or strip, chicken sandwich, etc. and of course there is always the Wallybanger.  But, for the purposes of this mental exercise THAT is my dream menu.

Now, I know that professing a love of fast food in this day and age is akin to kicking baby seals and that there are mothers everywhere that have dropped their ground flax seed and soy yogurt in order to organize to save my children from all that is evil. (Ladies, please don't stop by until AFTER 4 PM. Bean will be very busy until that time, watching all manner of inappropriate TV whilst playing with scissors and eating animal lard from a plastic plate that I put in the microwave.  He gets very testy when interrupted.)

But, for those of you out there raised on happy meals...  where's YOUR beef?

Comments

[Kate W.]

You should sit down before reading any further... ready? My husband came home from work yesterday giddy with joy... why? because when he went to CFA for lunch, they were giving out a sample of their new MILKSHAKES! He said they were wonderful and had real whipped cream on the top and his only wish is for the end of the month to be here soon so he can go buy a giant chocolate one. He is a nerd, I know.

[wordgirl]

I teach art at a week-long pediatric cancer camp. One guy who serves on the board with us owns a Wendy's franchise. He brings to camp a Frostie machine and for one week we have Frosties 24-7. Nothing washes down the nasty taste of oral chemo meds like a big 'ol chocolate Frosty! So...for that reason I'm a big Frosty fan.

[Karen]

Oh dear, I needed this post today. After pre-school we were all in a funk, so on the way home I stopped for McD's fries and 3 sodas for our afternoon snack. I felt equal parts glee and guilt.

Now, the ultimate:

McD's fries.

Schaller's burger - on a hard roll, mustard, ketchup, extra pickles. It's a local joint 'round my hometown.

Coke, red plastic cup, crushed ice. Preferably poured from a pitcher. Like at P*zza H*t.

I'm not big on the milkshakes. I think I would go with a DQ whatever they're called, you know, when they mix in the Oreos.

Ahhhh, lard on a plate.

[daysgoby]

MickeyD's fries

WhiteCastle burgers

A&W onion rings

Fountain Coke. Crushed ice. Twirly straw.

Frosty. Mmmmmm.

(wiping drool)

[Sarah]

Remember when Taco Bell used to have Steak Soft Tacos? They were heaven.

I think I like ALL fast food french fries. But McD and CFA are tied for the best.

[HollyRhea]

I'm from Texas but now live in Chicago. I once drove 80 miles north to Wisconsin, to get something from the nearest Chik-fil-a. I miss it. It hurts so bad.

[dutch from sweet juniper]

the short-lived Fast Food franchise Rax had the world's greatest mint chocolate chip shakes. I'd pay $80 for one of those right now.

[bitemycookie]

mmmmm, burgers. just had one tonight. it's my maternity staple. burgerville here in portland rocks my nation (all wind-powered energy, natural beef and fresh strawberry shakes!), as does roake's out near the airport.

but my virginia roots are aching for some chick-fil-a. nevermind the fries, hand me a fried chicken sando!

[MelanieinOrygun]

First time reader - I'm loving your style. Thanks for cracking me up at work!
As for the ideal menu:
Fries: McD's or Chi*k-Fil-A (I used to work there and subsisted on these bad boys, right along with their grilled sandwich)
Burger: J*ck-in-the-B*x Bac*n Bac*n Cheeseburger
Drink: Tac* Bel/ because they have my most beloved of drinks in their fountain - Mt. Dew C*de Red.
Shake: DQ, hands-down. But only malted.

[John-Michael]

YOU ARE A JOY!! Thank you for a delightfully picturesque fantasy voyage through the heavens of tastefully sensory ecstacy. Your gift for visual transport is greatly appreciated and enjoyed.