much, much, much ado about nothing...

Remember back when summer was synonymous with relaxation and holiday?  When the first signs of a balmy evening breeze brought thoughts of lazy afternoons on porch swings and drippy ice cream cones, running care-free through the sprinklers and sneaking gram's mason jars from the pantry to catch fire-flies? [pauses for dramatic effect]

Yeah, me neither... but based on the commercial I just finished watching apparently the folks at Blue Bell Homemade ice cream are older than Moses and DO remember those "good ole days"... and huzzah for them.

This summer has been a freaking joke, particularly the past four weeks. And not that it has been just plain busy... No. That would be manageable, we are over-achievers here --busy and multi-task, we can do. 

In fact, it is more like casa t'pon has been stalled at the cosmic intersection of "what the fuck? Blvd.","what now? Ave." and "uh uh, not a good time for us... Ct." (in the cosmos, all intersections are three-way.  don't ask, it just is what it is) And trust me, nobody tows from that part of town.

• I have regained my most favored status with Bean, mind you not through any particularly cunning strategy that I devised.  Not only does this mean that I am again being escorted to the restroom by a whole tribe of very eager assistants -- Bean, the dogs, and occasionally, just to make sure that he isn't missing anything, the cat -- I also get to carry around a 28 lbs sack of need the better part of my non-"working" day.
• Speaking of carrying around a ton of extra weight.  No, I have not had the Banzo yet. The baby is, however, growing as you would expect any good variety of bean to grow and, as such, is taking up an inordinate amount of space in my body.  Despite being roughly 24 weeks into this journey, I am about the size I was at 30 weeks last time. I know that everyone is bigger the second time around (blah blah blah)... but honestly, I was grotesquely huge during the last four weeks of Bean's gestation -- vaudevillian proportions.  I had to stop going into the office because the only things that fit me were ratty, stained maternity sweatpants and a variety of N.'s free gaming t-shirts.  I can not imagine being much bigger than that, but at this rate... I am going to be laid out on the bed draped in a "neat she*et" in about seven weeks.  I am, however, getting very much sympathy from all manners of strangers who assume that I am either carrying multiples or gestating an elephant.
• Given my girth and other "factors" (see below), I have successfully managed to go nearly three weeks on less than 4 hours of sleep per night. I am the walking dead. But, I am also very much caught up on all of my TiVoed TV, just in time for the start of the new season.   
• Bean, in a feat of epic irritation, decided about four weeks ago that no crib would hold him and no toddler bed would act as a road-block to his "i love the nightlife" routine.  Our nights have been held hostage by a small despot, screaming from behind a baby-gate for someone ('DAH!" "MAMAAAAAAH" "TESY") to come read him "gdnit mehn" (goodnight moon) and "kid, kid" (kiss, kiss) again and again. At first, we tried the very civil approach of calmly and without reaction, placing him gently back in bed each time the door opened... but after serving up that dish for the 7,694th time, we quickly moved to open hostility and expressive cursing.  I have written about the motion detector that my parents rigged... it was starting to sound like a very just and reasonable deal.  We have since gathered what is left of our tattered wits and some Tyle*nol PM and are going to CIO or "DWTFYWIANCUTSUIACYAAOTUSH"* method.  It seems to be working, although he has developed a somewhat troubling case of carpet burn on his pudgy left cheek from sleeping on the floor.  but that which does not kill him, will only leave him slightly scarred and with more to talk to his therapist about in the future make him stronger.
• In part thanks to the lack of sleep, perhaps also due to lugging around the 28 lbs of need, and most certainly related to the fact that works has been a wee bit stressful lately... The pregnancy is kicking my ass all over town. I have been a walking infection and I have been crossing my legs as hard as I can to keep Banzo in.  In the past few weeks, I have either seen or conversed with my OB more times than during the entire length of the Bean's pregnancy. I had my first taste of modified bed rest following some nasty contractions and while I enjoyed the novelty of two days of forced rest, 12 weeks in bed seems a little tortuous to me.  How many hours of daytime TV can a person watch before they begin to take themselves as seriously as Opra*h? I am happy to report that all is fine now and I have been given permission to returned to my regularly scheduled hyper-activity...
• It is soooooooooooooooooooo freaking hot here. I know, I am in Texas, and generally I am accepting of this fact, but seriously Beelzebub himself is jealous. I am running out of things to keep a very active toddler busy and "engaged" that don't involve stepping foot outside in the heat.  He is losing patience... I have forgotten what patience is. 
• And on Monday, I had the distinct pleasure of removing my son's first tick.  Super fun, fun.
• My parents just left and my in-laws arrive on Saturday.  These are epic posts in and of themselves.  I realize that I have painted a pretty vivid picture of my in-laws, but really, I owe you all a more complete portrait of my mother.  She is truly a "spectacle to behold."
• And finally, yes, we know Banzo's sex and I am in the process of weeding through a variety of naming schemas to find the perfect match for the newest member of the casa t'pon clan...  but again, this is a post in its own right that I promise will be up in the next 2 days. 

So, if there is anyone still out there...  what is up with y'all? 

*"Do Whatever The Fuck You Want. I Am Not Coming Up Those Stairs Until I Am Certain You Are Asleep Or Trapped Under Something Heavy"